Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in lovebunnipress' LiveJournal:

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Monday, September 28th, 2009
9:48 am	library crazy **** 105 year old lady: I am looking for a consulting firm. Librarian: OK. 105 year old Lady: The name of the company is D&A Consulting. They are located in Pepper Pike or maybe Richland. Librarian: OK, let me see what I can find. 110 year old lady: (speaking in the background) We got that number! 105 year old lady: NO! Claudia, we got your information. 110 year old lady: I have it written down, I just spoke with them there at the library. 105 year old lady: Claudia. NO! This is a different company. 110 year old lady: Look its right here. 105 year old lady: Claudia, I didn’t interrupt you…NO! That is your company. I have another company that I am looking for, so, Claudia give me the pencil. This is D&A Consulting. (pause) CONSULTING! Claudia. Consulting. Librarian: Hello? I think I found the website. 105 year old lady: Do you want the phone number? Librarian: Excuse me? 105 year old lady: I have the phone number. I am trying to find someone a job. Librarian: Alright. So what information do you need about this company. 105 year old lady: D&A Consulting, honestly, I think this phone is bad. I can’t hardly hear anything. Claudia! I need that pencil! Librarian: What do you want to know about the company? 105 year old lady: Thank you for looking, goodbye! ***** Yesterday, these little girls were walking though the library making a big production of avoiding something on the floor. I asked them what they were doing, "Jumping over the blood. EEEW." "Who's bleeding?" I asked. "This boy. He in the baff room." "Does he have a bloody nose or something?" "Nope," stated the smallest girl. "This one girl," the girl in green exhaled. "This other girl," the one in the Dora shirt pointed into the kids room. "She cut him," they all exploded at once, then the littlest one added softly, "With scissors." The story as it played out is as follows. A group of rather effete jr high boys were in the stairwell practicing their songs (whatever that means to a jr. high mind), when a girl they did not know burst into the stairwell and shouted, "If you don't shut up, I will cut you!" A few minutes later she barged back into the stairwell and sliced a pair of scissors across the wrist and upper hand of one of the singing boys. We called EMS for him, since he was going to need stitches. The girl ran out of the building but came back within an hour to be arrested by the police who were still here looking at security cams and taking statements. It seems she had stabbed another kid at school earlier in the day, as well. The quote of the incident tho, came from one of the teen boys who, excitedly yelled across the library when his friends arrived, "DeShawn, btichez be cutting niggaz, up in heaarah twoooday!" (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 27th, 2009
12:23 am	be sure your children are sufficiently mature! THE LAST CALL OF THE DAY! Patron: I need to know about carrying guns. What the laws is. Librarian: In Ohio? Patron: Okay, yeah. But pacifically, I need to know if you is allowed to take your gun to church. You know like that, pacifically. Can I take my gun into a church. Librarian: Okay. Let me see what I can find. http://www.ag.state.oh.us/le/prevention/pubs/200808_ccw_book.pdf Librarian: Well it looks like you are not allowed to have a concealed weapon in a "place of worship, unless the place of worship permits other wise." Patron: What that mean? So I can'st? Or I cans? Librarian: You are allowed if the church says you are, otherwise you are not allowed. Patron: What about police or security guards? They got to give it up before they come in there? Librarian: The police...? Patron: Or the FBIs? Are they allowed to take they guns in a church? Librarian: I am not a lawyer, but I think that the concealed carry only deals with private citizens. Patron: Private citizens, yeah. So like if the church say no, I got to leave it hat home? How they gonna know I got it anyway. Librarian: Well, there is that... Current Mood: bitchy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 25th, 2009
4:38 pm	question of the day so far.... Patron : I am buying something online, you know. And not to be ignorant, but what is our currency called? You know other than money. Librarian : The United States dollar. Patron : That isn't one of the options... Librarian : Well, what are some of the options? Patron : Could it be USD? Librarian : Yes, I think that is it. Patron : Ah. Okay. Thanks. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 24th, 2009
2:40 pm	I am Fluent in so many Crazy! I have determined after the last few days of helping the public library customers that I am fluent in at least five different dialects of crazy. They are in no particular order: THE WORD SALAD LINKER – begins the conversation clearly and concisely, but quickly begins to string together thoughts and words that seem to have no relevance. Topics might jump mid-sentence. Can also be long pauses, punctuated by “ands, ums, aaahs.” Example: “I am looking for a car dealership in Akron. (pause) But they wouldn’t bring me no pillows in the room because of childrens eating them!” THE YABBA DABBA– this is the stammering over syllables and the constant repetition of certain sounds that interrupt and delay speech. Since this happens inside words as the crazy mixes up coherence and thought, the Yabba Dabba is impossible to understand over the phone. Example: “Ima,Ima,Ima,Ima,Imma,Ima lookin foraaaah sommmmmmuuuuum vidcassettvideos.” THE MUMBLY JOE – associated with close, soft talkers with facial ticks. The Mumbly Joe is an interesting monotone of sounds, but completely impossible to understand. Often repetitious and punctuated by one or two clear words/sighs that poke above the drone. Example: (just above a whisper) “muumuuuuuuumuuuumBOILERmmmmumuuuuuuah.” DRUNK – is slurring incoherence, with the occasional spit or drool, that crashes between points. The Drunk statement will always deteriorate into a fading silence, accompanied by sudden barks or growls. Short term memory, even within a single statement, is obliterated usually resulting in humor or frustration. Example: “I got ta azz yous if you got the…(nodding off into a pause)...WOOFWOOF GRRRRRR.” THE ANGRY RAMBLER – has so twisted themselves up in a matter of trivia or statistical minutiae as to be nearly impossible to assist. Unwilling to explain the back story as to why they need to know what the monster in 1958’s “Fiend without a Face” looked like or how many touchdowns were scored by Brown’s Tight Ends in the last game of the 1987 regular season, the Angry Rambler is rude, impatient, and curt. Example: “What was the season and air date of Moria Turner’s second Twilight Zone appearance? Don’t look at the internet! ” Do you think I should update my resume? Current Mood: sympathetic (Comment on this)
Friday, January 9th, 2009
9:59 pm	Great Schizophrenic Migration of 2009 Its a bit early in the year, I suppose, for the first Great Migration of the Crazies. But today, seriously, every fucking person I spoke to at the library was a mush mouth loony. Either complaining about the bus schedule, the quality of help that they received, or where that book is that they saw back when we were the other library - it was a five volume set, so where could it have gone really? - each customer today was batshit bonkers. Still, no need to grumble. It is most likely the scare tactics, the double whammy, of the coming digital tv conversion and the 7 to 107 inches of snow that might housebound all the schizos in their group homes and cardboard padded apartments. Wilma Smith talking through the wall is only interesting so long, after you run out of diet soda and cigarettes (breathing treatments). Oh and to the customer who lost his shit on the circ staff over 20 cents and then got an eviction letter - your call to Jimmy DiMora, it didn't get you reinstated. HAHAHA. Current Mood: snowy (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 3rd, 2008
1:07 am	MATES OF STATE how did i end up at that show? - 4 cups raisin bran - 20 oz ice coffee - 20 peanut m&ms - cranberries - bag of caramel rice cake cheeps - turkey burger - bun - spinach - potatoes - red peppers - catsup's - 2 NA beers - chewy granola bar + 40 minutes on recumbent bike and yard work ------------------------------------------------------------ (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 2nd, 2008
10:24 pm	Golf is an AWESOME way to meet people - 4 cups raisin bran - 15 life savers - 36 oz ice coffee - 9 tic tacs - 2 wheat bread pizza slices - blue corn chips - slice american cheese - 1/2 plate chicken fajitas - 2 tbsp mint ice cream - 2 slices tostada + a lot of sitting on my ass Current Mood: hot hot hot (Comment on this)
Friday, August 1st, 2008
10:21 pm	two years into a six month project - 20 oz ice coffee - 15 life savers - chik pattie - pita - spinich - cheeze - 4 tbsp yogurt - 2 granolas - 4 pieces of wheat bread pizza - pepperonis - cranberries + 40 minutes on recumbent biking cycle (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 31st, 2008
11:20 am	No One is Tougher than the Outfit - 4 cups special k - 20 oz iced coffee - blackened chicken breast - salad - 8 to 12 curtons - ceaser dressing - 6 tic tacs - 8 to 12 life savers - 2 granolas - 4 tbspn yogurt - 2 cups of raisin bran + 40 minutes on recumbent bike (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 30th, 2008
10:47 pm	Dune Buggy Hustle - 4 cups Special K - 20 oz iced coffee - 2 fun sized hershey candies - salad - apple - 4 tbsp yogurt - 6 tic tacs - 10 life savers - 3 whole pitas - hummos - swishtawhook - 1.5 cheezy cake + 40 minutes recumbent bike _________________________________________________ (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008
10:54 am	She arrived to eat our men! first telephone call of the day - Creepy Monster Movie Man : Oh hello. Librarian : Hello. CMMM:I wonder if you might help me. Lib: Sure. CMMM: I need you to look something up, a movie, and tell me what something looks like, okay? Lib: I can try... CMMM: A monster. From an old movie. 1954. Lib: Okay. Which movie? CMMM: Okay. The movie is THE DEVIL GIRL FROM MARS. (pause then softer) THE DEVIL GIRL FROM MARS. Lib: Alright, what did you want to know about? CMMM: Well, alright, I wanted to know what the devil girl looked like. Lib: Okay. Well she is wearing like a leather or plastic black outfit. With a cape and a skirt over black pants...then she is wearing like a black helmet thing. CMMM: A helmet? So like you can't see her hair? Lib: No. Not really. CMMM: What does her face look like, I mean... Lib: Well, its just the actress. She has a sort of long face, angular features, and high eyebrows. CMMM: Oh so she does not look like a monster? Lib: No. She is not wearing any monster make up or special effects. CMMM: Oh, okay. Lib: But she does have a tall robot that looks like a box with arms and an old fashioned police siren on top. CMMM: Oh right, the robot. But the woman does not have a monster face? Lib: No. CMMM: Alright. And this was from THE DEVIL GIRL FROM MARS? Lib: Yes. CMMM: Okay. Thanks. Lib: You're welcome. Watch Devil Girl From Mars ______________________________________________________________________ - 4 cups special k - 20 oz ice coffee - 8 life savers - 3 tic tacs - 12 fun sized chocolate candies - salad - tuna - chicken - pasta - popcorn + 40 minutes on recumbent bike Current Mood: goaty (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 28th, 2008
10:42 pm	not an ordinary mortal... - 4 cups of Special K - 20 oz ice coffee - 4 small chocochip cookies - 15 life savers - buffalo chicken wrap - frenchy fries - 4 cups raisin bran _____________________________________________________________ Current Mood: full (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 27th, 2008
11:11 am	when I am skinny like super model i do many drug - blueberry pancake with syrup - 2 over easy eggs - english muffin - 20 oz ice coffee - 3 pizza slices leftover - 15 life savers - 15 or 20 M&Ms - small cookie - pasta and chicken - 2 eggplant patties - some popcorn - 1.5 stale granolas + 40 minutes on recumbent bike + 2 mile walk Current Mood: exanimate (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 26th, 2008
12:30 am	I missed a whole day of living - 4 cups of special k - 30 oz iced coffee - 4 milano cookies - 1 double chocolate cookie - 25 win0green lifesavers - rice and peas and bbq sauce - chicken fajitas - red rice - 3 tortillas - black beans - mole sauce - klondike bar + 40 minutes on the recumbent bike and walk around blocks --------------------------------------------------------------- Current Mood: bunko (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 24th, 2008
11:00 pm	for pennies a day you too can support a War Criminal without a War - 4 cups special k - 20 oz ice coffee - 2 zeppe's pizza slices - cookie - blueberry muffin - 6 tic tacs - 2 granolas - 15/25 grapes - jelly cracker - 8 stale saltines - chicken breast - 3 cherry potatoes - klondike bar cleaned the whole house and mowed the lawn, since jerk company is coming tomorrow. JERKS. Current Mood: displaced (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008
11:26 pm	oink oink - 4 cups special k - 20 oz ice coffee - 20 wintOgreen life savers - 2 altoids - 3 tic tacs - salad - 3 pieces of pepperoni pizza - piece of raisin bread - 6 - 10 rice cake chips - chang's spicy chicken bits - brown rice - fortune cookie - n/a beer - klondike bar ---------------------------------------------------------- Current Mood: fat (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008
9:15 pm	ballooning in the stratosphere - 4 cups special k - 20 oz ice coffee - salad - ranch dressing - spinich pita - del monte fruit cup - 5 slices of pepperoni pizza (papa johns) - 20 caramel rice cakes + 40 minutes recumbent bike __________________________________________________ Current Mood: cold (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 21st, 2008
9:11 pm	Say No to Sugar Daddies - 8 cups of Special K - 20 oz ice coffee - blackened chicken - salad - ceasar dressing - 4 cups raisin bran - freezer burned klondike bar - 10 rice cakes - 5 tic tacs - 1 altoid - 7 courtons Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 20th, 2008
11:33 am	Impromptu Ravishment Play - 2 orange whole wheat pancakes with chocolate chips - 20 oz ice coffee - 2 pork cutlets - cous cous - freezer burned klondike bar - 20 to 30 cheezy rick cake chips + 40 minutes recumbent bike Current Mood: grumbly (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 19th, 2008
9:35 pm	i wanna work with ya but ya gotta work with me - 4 cups Special K - 36 oz ice coffee - teryaki chicken breast - kaiser bun - lettuce - tomato slice - 1 Popsicle - 1 milano cookie - Chicken Pineapple - brown rice - 2 tic tacs - 8 cheezy rice cake crackers - 2 granola bars - various condiments + 40 minutes on recumbent bike ****************************************** Current Mood: angry (Comment on this)